Anabolic steroids are terrible for your heart.

Just an FYI. By the way, the image above is an ad for WrestleMania VI, a place I think we can all agree had its share of anabolic steroid use. Over 1/3 of the competitors are now dead, all of them prematurely. 

Spooning, on the other hand, is the good stuff.

There is no cheatin' spoon. There's only the big spoon and the little spoon, and your size ain't nothin' but a number:

1. “I love being big spoon but he’s so big I feel like a sloth just hanging onto a branch.”

2. “I’m always the big spoon! Because of the height difference, it makes me feel like I’m a rocket pack!”

3. “I feel like a koala when big spooning my boyfriend because he’s way taller.”

4. “I say if you think you’re going to sleep facing away from me you best be prepared for a koala on your back through the night.”

5. “My boyfriend is almost always the big spoon, although sometimes in the middle of the night I roll over to him and am his ‘jetpack.’ I love being the little spoon but it makes me anxious because sometimes I fart on him when I fall asleep.”

Bonus: “I prefer to lie face down and have my partner lie flat directly on top of me. The weight is so calming and eases my anxiety. Not spooning per se…maybe spatula-ing?”

Tabletop devices in casual dining restaurants aren't going anywhere soon.

How long until they have these in fast food places, too? Even Sonic has started modifying their kiosks to be more interactive. Big potential public health downside: More desserts ordered. Like 30% more.